enlightenment is easy /
endarkenment is rough
*I’m in the van with my group of developmentally disabled clients. I read a quote about life from Mother Teresa.*
Me: “So what do you guys think about life?”
A: “Life is not fair.”
Me: “That’s what I tell my kids all the time. It would be nice if life was a little more fair, wouldn’t it.”
A: “Life is a BEEP.”
J: “Life is a box of chocolates. That’s from Forrest Gump.”
A: *To D* “Did you just say spiders?”
D: “Spiders! Aaayeee!”
Me: “Okay, D thinks life is spiders. T, what do you think life is?”
*T shakes my hand.*
Me: “Do you think life is basketball?”
Me: “S, what do you think life is? Oh sorry, can you take your headphones out?”
S: “Sorry, I can’t hear you with my earbuds in. What did you say?”
Me: “What do you think about life?”
S: “Life is sometimes good, and life is sometimes bad.”
everything is grey, the sun
beams through the clouds
rebounds off the ocean
to the sand I’ve become
I’ve been staring at this ant for about five minutes now. It’s all by itself, and he’s been circling around this whole time with the same run, pause, run, pause, run, pause pattern. I thought we had black ants, but this one is red. I wonder what he’s looking for.
I walked to the library today, and no one was outside. Granted, it was the middle of the day in August, but generally speaking, nobody walks around where I live. We have all of these sidewalks, and most people drive. As I’m walking, the drivers look at me, then turn their heads away.
At the library nobody talked to me. You don’t even need to speak to a librarian to check out books anymore. When I was a kid, there was a plump older lady with short purple hair who always smiled. I miss that lady.
I sat down and started to read a book, then looked up and saw I was in the teen section. I felt so embarrassed I left.
To be fair to the world, I was invited to a couple of things today. I don’t have an excuse as to why I didn’t go. Sometimes my heart hangs heavy, and I don’t want to subject others to it. People only want happy people around, and I can’t fake being happy all the time.
There are people dying in places I don’t remember, and I don’t know why they’re dying. On the news there was a protest, and a man was yelling into a microphone. He seemed upset. I wish I knew how to help him. I wish I knew how to help me.
The ant is long gone. He slipped between the cracks. I hope he makes his way home.
So I’ve been working out and my dad is like, you need to wear tighter shirts.
not a domino
to fall for one lover
I’m a mountain that
awaits a tsunami
Me: “How much do I love you?”
6YO: “More than numbers.”
don’t look /
for acceptance /
It’s late afternoon in the secluded park. I’m lying on the grass, reading an excerpt from some dude from the 1700s. He’s making the case that art is a science, and that genius has rules, and I’m falling asleep. Either he’s wrong, or I’m ignorant, or both.
A man and woman dressed in tight clothing stake a claim about twenty feet away. They unroll mats and begin doing yoga. I hide my gaze behind my book.
They remind me of tree branches. I bet they’re vegan. They probably measure their carbon footprint daily.
Before this, I just ate a cheeseburger, fries and a coke at a diner with piped in 60s music.
I feel like a neanderthal looking at a cro magnon for the first time. I have this impulse to club something.
A white stray cat sneaks out of the underbrush and walks between the legs of the yoga man as he’s doing a pose. I laugh. I say, “Sorry, that’s funny.” They barely hear me.
I take a nap. When I wake up, they are still doing yoga. I sit up. The cat comes over to me and sits on my lap. I say, “Were you trying to teach them how to do cat pose? Were they doing it wrong?”
The yoga people finish waving their limbs around and leave. I look around. No one is here besides me and the cat. I do pushups and situps until I’m tired. The cat stalks off like he’s hunting a mouse.
As I leave, I hope the cat finds its way home. I hope it isn’t lost, like me.
solitary confinement /
in my mind